1.4. Features of raising children in an Orthodox family. The problem of “fathers and children” Married life has many sorrows and anxieties, but they are compensated by a number of consolations given to spouses by God. The most important of these are children. On the peculiarities of raising children

Prayers of pregnant women for a safe delivery of pregnancy and for the birth of healthy children, as well as for the health of infants and children to the Most Holy Theotokos before her icon “Quick to Hear” Troparion, tone 4 To the Mother of God, the priest of those in troubles, and now let us fall to Her holy icon, with

Prayer of spouses who do not have children (about the gift of children) Hear us, Merciful and Almighty God, may Thy grace be sent down through our prayer. Be merciful, Lord, to our prayer, remember Your law about the multiplication of the human race and be a merciful Patron,

The days of Great Lent are a time of repentance not only for adults, but also for the youngest parishioners. The issues of properly preparing children for Confession and Communion concern many mothers and fathers. How to explain to a small child what Repentance is? Do we need to help children prepare for their first Confession? How to protect a child who regularly confesses from getting used to the Sacrament? On the eve of the first full Liturgy, for which most Orthodox Christians traditionally rush to the Cross and the Gospel, the rector of the Church of the Holy Martyr Tatiana, Archpriest Maxim Kozlov, answers these and other questions.

At what age should a child go to confession?

First of all, there is no need to rush. You cannot demand that all children go to confession from the age of seven. The norm that children must confess before Communion from the age of seven has been established since the Synodal era and from earlier centuries. As, if I’m not mistaken, Father Vladimir Vorobyov wrote in his book about the sacrament of Repentance, for many, many children today, physiological maturation is so ahead of spiritual and psychological that most of today’s children are not ready to confess at the age of seven. Isn’t it time to say that this age is set by the confessor and the parent absolutely individually in relation to the child? At the age of seven, and some a little earlier, they see the difference between good and bad deeds, but it is too early to say that this is conscious repentance. Only selected, subtle, delicate natures are able to experience this at such an early age. There are amazing children who at five or six years old have a responsible moral consciousness, but most often these are other things. Or the parents’ motivations related to the desire to have an additional educational tool in confession (it often happens that when a small child behaves badly, a naive and kind mother asks the priest to confess him, thinking that if he repents, he will obey). Or some kind of ape behavior towards adults on the part of the child himself - I like it: they stand, approach, and the priest tells them something. Nothing good comes from this. For most people, moral consciousness awakens much later. But let it happen later. Let them come at nine or ten years old, when they have a greater degree of maturity and responsibility for their lives. In fact, the earlier a child confesses, the worse it is for him - apparently, it’s not for nothing that children are not charged with sins until they are seven years old. Only from a fairly later age do they perceive confession as a confession, and not as a list of what was said by mom or dad and written down on paper. And this formalization of confession, which occurs in a child, in the modern practice of our church life is a rather dangerous thing.

What should parents do before their child’s first confession?

It seems that first you need to talk with the priest to whom the child will confess, warn him that this will be the first confession, ask him for advice, which may be different, depending on the practice of certain parishes. But in any case, it is important that the priest knows that confession is the first, and says when it is better to come, so that there are not too many people and he has enough time to devote to the child. In addition, various books about children's confession have now appeared. From the book of Archpriest Artemy Vladimirov, you can glean a lot of sensible advice about the very first confession. There are books on teenage psychology, for example, by priest Anatoly Garmaev about adolescence.

How often should a child be confessed?

Partly through my own mistakes, partly by consulting with more experienced priests, I came to the conclusion that children should be confessed as rarely as possible. Not as often as possible, but as little as possible. The worst thing you can do is introduce weekly confession for children. For them, it most of all leads to formalization. So they went and simply received communion every Sunday, or at least often, which is also a question of whether it is right for a child, and then - from the age of seven - they are also taken almost every Sunday to the prayer of permission. Children very quickly learn to say the right thing to the priest - what the priest expects. He didn’t listen to his mother, was rude at school, and stole an eraser. This list can be easily restored. And they don’t even come across what confession is as repentance. And it happens that for whole years they come to confession with the same words: I don’t obey, I’m rude, I’m lazy, I forget to say my prayers - this is a short set of common childhood sins. The priest, seeing that besides this child there are many other people standing next to him, absolves him of his sins this time too. But after several years, such a “churched” child will have no idea what repentance is. It is not difficult for him to say that he did this or that badly, to “mumble something” from a piece of paper or from memory, for which they will either pat him on the head or say: “Kolya, no need to steal pens.” ”, and then: “You don’t need to get used (yes, then get used to it) to cigarettes, look at these magazines,” and then on an increasing scale. And then Kolya will say: “I don’t want to listen to you.” Masha can tell too, but girls usually mature faster; they manage to gain personal spiritual experience before they can come to such a decision.

When a child is brought to the clinic for the first time and forced to undress in front of the doctor, he, of course, is embarrassed, it is unpleasant for him, but if they put him in the hospital and lift up his shirt every day before the injection, he will begin to do this completely automatically without any emotions. Likewise, confession after some time may no longer cause him any worries. Therefore, you can bless them for Communion quite often, but children need to confess as rarely as possible. Indeed, for many practical reasons, we cannot share Communion and the Sacrament of Repentance with adults for a long time, but to children, perhaps, we could apply this norm and say that responsible serious confession of a boy or girl can be carried out with a fairly large frequency, and otherwise time to give them a blessing for communion. I think it would be good, after consulting with a confessor, to confess such a small sinner for the first time at seven years old, the second time at eight, and the third time at nine years, somewhat delaying the beginning of frequent, regular confession so that in no case does it become a habit.

How often should young children receive communion?

It is good to give Holy Communion to infants often, since we believe that the reception of the Holy Mysteries of Christ is taught to us for the health of soul and body. And the baby is sanctified as having no sins, uniting with its physical nature with the Lord in the Sacrament of Communion. But when children begin to grow up and when they already learn that this is the Blood and Body of Christ and that this is a Sacred Thing, it is very important not to turn Communion into a weekly procedure, when they frolic in front of the Chalice and approach it, without really thinking about what they make. And if you see that your child was capricious before the service, annoyed you when the priest’s sermon went a little too long, or got into a fight with one of his peers standing right there at the service, do not allow him to approach the Chalice. Let him understand that it is not possible to approach Communion in every condition. He will only treat him more reverently. And it’s better to let him take communion a little less often than you would like, but to understand why he comes to church. It is very important that parents do not begin to treat their child’s communion as some kind of magic, shifting onto God what we ourselves must do. However, the Lord expects from us what we can and should do ourselves, including in relation to our children. And only where our strength is not there, God’s grace fills it. As they say in another church sacrament, “he heals the weak, he replenishes the poor.” But what you can do, do it yourself.

Should parents help their children write confession notes?

How to teach a child to confess correctly?

You need to encourage your children not on how to confess, but on the very necessity of confession. Through your own example, through the ability to openly confess your sins to your loved ones, to your child, if they are guilty of it. Through our attitude to Confession, since when we go to receive communion and realize our unpeacefulness or the insults that we have caused to others, we must first of all make peace with everyone. And all this taken together cannot but instill in children a reverent attitude towards this Sacrament.

And the main teacher of how a child should repent should be the performer of this Sacrament - the priest. After all, repentance is not only a certain internal state, but also a Church Sacrament. It is no coincidence that confession is called the Sacrament of Repentance. Depending on the degree of spiritual maturation of the child, he must be brought to the first confession. The parents' task is to explain what confession is and why it is needed. They must explain to the child that confession has nothing to do with his reporting to them or to the school principal. This is that and only that which we ourselves recognize as bad and unkind in us, as bad and dirty and which we are very unhappy about, which is difficult to say and what needs to be told to God. And then this area of ​​teaching must be transferred into the hands of an attentive, worthy, loving confessor, for he is given in the Sacrament of the Priesthood the grace-filled help to talk with a person, including a little one, about his sins. And it is more natural for him to talk to him about repentance than for his parents, for this is precisely the case when it is impossible and unhelpful to appeal to one’s own examples or to the examples of people known to him. Telling your child how you yourself repented for the first time - there is some kind of falsehood and false edification in this. We didn’t repent in order to tell anyone about it. It would be no less false to tell him about how our loved ones, through repentance, moved away from certain sins, because this would mean at least indirectly judging and evaluating the sins in which they remained. Therefore, it is most reasonable to entrust the child into the hands of someone who has been appointed by God as a teacher of the Sacrament of Confession.

Can a child choose which priest to confess to?

If the heart of a little person feels that he wants to confess to this particular priest, who may be younger, more kindly than the one you yourself go to, or perhaps attracted with his preaching, trust your child, let him go there, where no one and nothing will prevent him from repenting of his sins before God. And even if he does not immediately decide on his choice, even if his first decision turns out to be not the most reliable and he soon realizes that he does not want to go to Father John, but wants to go to Father Peter, let him choose and settle on this. Finding spiritual fatherhood is a very delicate, internally intimate process, and there is no need to intrude on it. This way you will help your child more.

And if, as a result of his internal spiritual search, a child says that his heart is attached to another parish, where his friend Tanya goes, and what he likes there better - the way they sing, and the way the priest talks, and how people treat each other, then the wise Christian parents, of course, will rejoice at this step of their child and will not think with fear or distrust: did he go to the service, and, in fact, why is he not where we are? We need to entrust our children to God, then He Himself will preserve them.

In general, it seems to me that sometimes it is important and useful for parents themselves to send their children, starting from a certain age, to another parish, so that they are not with us, not in front of our eyes, so that this typical parental temptation does not arise - with peripheral vision check to see how our child is doing, is he praying, is he chatting, why was he not allowed to receive Communion, for what sins? Maybe we can understand this, indirectly, from our conversation with the priest? It’s almost impossible to get rid of such feelings if your child is next to you in church. When children are small, then parental supervision is reasonably understandable and necessary, but when they become adolescents, then perhaps it is better to courageously stop this kind of intimacy with them, moving away from their lives, belittling yourself so that there is more of Christ, and less than you.

How to instill in children a reverent attitude towards Communion and divine services?

First of all, parents themselves need to love the Church, church life and love every person in it, including little ones. And those who love the Church will be able to pass this on to their child. This is the main thing, and everything else is just specific techniques.

I remember the story of Archpriest Vladimir Vorobyov, who as a child was taken to Communion only a few times a year, but he remembers each time, and when it was, and what a spiritual experience it was. Then, during Stalin’s time, it was forbidden to go to church often. Because if even your comrades saw you, it could threaten not only the loss of education, but also prison. And Father Vladimir remembers every time he came to church, which was a great event for him. There was no question of being naughty during the service, talking over each other, chatting with peers. It was necessary to come to the liturgy, pray, partake of the Holy Mysteries of Christ and live in anticipation of the next such meeting. It seems that we should understand Communion, including small children who have entered a time of relative consciousness, not only as a medicine for the health of soul and body, but as something immeasurably more important. Even a child should perceive it primarily as a union with Christ.

The main thing you need to think about is that attending services and communion becomes for the child not something we force him to do, but something he must deserve. We must try to restructure our intra-family attitude towards worship in such a way that we do not drag our youth down to receive communion, and he himself, after completing a certain path that prepares him for receiving the Holy Mysteries of Christ, would receive the right to come to the Liturgy and partake. And, perhaps, it would be better that on Sunday morning we would not bother our child who was having fun on Saturday evening: “Get up, we are late for the liturgy!”, and he would wake up without us and see that the house is empty. And he found himself without parents, and without a church, and without the holiday of God. Even though he had previously only come to the service for half an hour, to the communion itself, he still cannot help but feel some inconsistency between lying in bed on Sunday and what every Orthodox Christian should do at this time. When you return from church, do not reproach your youth with words. Perhaps your inner grief over his absence from the liturgy will resonate in him even more effectively than ten parental urgings “come on,” “get ready,” “read your prayers.”

Therefore, parents of their child, even at his conscious age, should never encourage him to confess or take communion. And if they can restrain themselves in this, then the grace of God will certainly touch his soul and help him not to get lost in the sacraments of the church.

Dimaxa, 03.01.07 20:16

My eldest son will turn 7 years old this year and he will no longer be able to take communion without fasting and confession. Tell me how you prepared your children for such an important step as the first confession, share your experience.

Anna Khrustaleva, 10.01.07 16:18

We probably started preparing when we were five. My daughter just asked me what confession is, why I go to confession, and why adults can’t receive communion without confession. And I slowly answered. And she already had some idea of ​​what sin was.
Therefore, when the age approached - 7 years old - she knew that she would confess, and for a long time already knew what exactly.
I was worried, of course, but I also wanted it at the same time.
And at the same time, I myself read in adult books what I came across on the topic of children’s confession. And I learned two basic rules: the first is not to tell the child what he should confess (because the most important thing here is that he himself understands this or that action as a sin), and the second is to observe the secret of confession, that is, not to ask questions about it. what he said and what the priest told him.

As for fasting, alas, we haven’t been able to do it yet. Maximum - during multi-day fasts there is no sweets.
And in the morning before communion, until recently, children had breakfast; only recently they began to limit themselves to a piece of bread or half a cup of kefir.
It’s bad, of course, but they still can’t do otherwise.

nadyushka, 10.01.07 21:44

There is a wonderful brochure “Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh’s conversation from confession and communion of children. Marriage and family.” It helped me understand a lot.

My eldest is just approaching this age, so the problem is also relevant for me.

georgiz, 18.05.07 12:12

This topic is very relevant to me. My eldest child is growing up.

I can’t figure out how to make confession necessary for a child’s heart, and not for mom/dad’s desire?

Here are my thoughts on this matter

1. I am sure that it is very important - and this is more important than confession - to instill in a child a love of the temple, trust in the priest and love for the Sacrament.

2. The main thing is that the whole family should receive Holy Communion periodically, so that Communion should be a joy, a labor, and a matter for the whole family.

3. I am categorically against the fact that the child looked at confession as a certain “attribute”, a certain “condition” of preparation for Communion. Confession is a moral rebirth and one must mature before it and be able to appreciate the fruits of confession.

4. I will strive with all my might to ensure that the child’s first confession is with a priest who is dear and respected throughout the family. But we are respected not as some kind of guru who can overshadow the authority of parents, but also as someone who knows how to trust parents and the family as a whole.

5. I am convinced that the tradition of a child’s confession can and should stem from the tradition of confession of parents, and not from the regulations of anyone, and this tradition cannot in any way be regulated for a child. Pushing a child to confession is a family matter, but he himself must regulate this side of life, only then will it be fruitful for his soul.

6. The result of the child’s confession should be some personal and creative, moreover, even friendly (but not familiar) relationships with the priest.

7. I personally don’t like the fact that there is a certain period for the start of confession - 7 years. Different families have different practices of confession and Communion. I believe that it is up to the spouses, not the church authorities, to determine when a child should go to confession.

8. I am sure that confession should be preceded by a confidential conversation between the priest and the child, so that the priest can tell the child about his “requirements” for the confession procedure and the child is ready for this.

9. With all that has been said above, it must be remembered that Christians receive communion only because they are Christians. If a person has not fallen away from the Church through moral depravity and heresy, then he has the right to receive communion whenever he wants. What I mean is that the timing of a child’s introduction to the tradition of confession cannot in any way affect the child’s participation in the Eucharist. The family must set a certain rhythm for the whole family to receive communion (at least once a month or two, but this is a family matter) and this rhythm cannot depend on the confession/non-confession of anyone from the family.

Anna Khrustaleva, 18.05.07 13:20

These are very good principles, but in reality it turns out that a child cannot receive communion without confession. But he may not be ready to confess every week or two, that is, in the same rhythm in which he previously took communion... What happens? Is confession becoming a boring chore?
We are adults, we prepare all week (or at least 3 days), read the rule, think about confession. And we simply say to the child: tomorrow we will go to church. And he goes, obeying his parents’ will (or he is stubborn and does not want to go). And how can one instill in a child a responsible attitude towards confession? How to make it independent? The child is still too young to go to the temple on his own when the need arises; at the same time, how else can you accustom a child to church life, if not by your own example, taking him with you?

georgiz, 18.05.07 13:56

That's what I'm talking about...

I decided this for myself.

If we do not separate confession and Communion, then nothing will work out for us.

If we don’t ask ourselves why a child should confess and why should he receive Communion, then nothing will come of it either.

I am sure that the purpose of confession is for a child to learn repentance, and not to undergo preparation for communion. And this cannot be regulated by the rhythm of the parents. Therefore, the child’s training must have its own rhythm, not connected in any way with the parent’s or with Communion. Priests are obliged to give communion to children from church families and not even be interested in the age of the child or the time of confession. And it’s up to the confessor (if there is one) and the family to slowly introduce the child into the tradition of confession.

Dimaxa, 18.05.07 17:33

I am sure that the purpose of confession is for a child to learn repentance, and not to undergo preparation for communion.

ellena, 18.05.07 22:08

I often see one family in our parish. There, the eldest boy has been confessing since he was 4 years old. Quite sincerely, he suffers so much, either he beat his younger brother or offended his mother. He spoke so loudly that they couldn’t help but hear him. Now he is already 6. By the age of 7, he probably fully understood the sacrament of repentance. It will be possible to send mine to him for educational programs. And my Ninochka is 4.5, it’s still too early, but she’s very afraid of confession. When we walk, she sees everything, and sees how we prepare at home, but she cannot repent even at the level of simply asking for forgiveness from mom, dad or sister.

georgiz, 21.05.07 14:29

I was talking to one of my friends about this topic. Well, Alexander (that’s his name) said that we have such a tendency: when a child is small and he doesn’t really need confession, he is accustomed to it. And when he becomes 14 years old or older, and he really needs confession, then more than 90% of children from church families do not go to confession.

Here's a statement of the problem. It turns out that the confession of small children is more needed by parents, and such confessions do not educate children (I do not take isolated exceptions).

Tanyushik, 21.05.07 21:39

It seems to me that this is precisely the moment when a child must realize his relationship with God. That something can separate them, that they must be able to ask for forgiveness, that they must be able to “be friends”, to be honest in this friendship. Because otherwise it’s somehow... well, it’s depreciated, like you’re going to your father to tell him that you didn’t listen to your mother. Well, almost... admitting to dad that he didn’t listen to mom is all the same. Those. It turns out that this doesn’t seem to have anything to do with God.
I'm explaining myself poorly, sorry.

georgiz, 22.05.07 12:31

Tell me, how do you explain to a child why he should confess?..

AlKin, 24.05.07 12:46

Tell me, how do you explain to a child why he should confess?..

What is the experience of forum participants?

“Sometimes a very small child comes to confession, and when the priest talks to him about his sins, he looks at the priest and does not understand what he is talking about. Then the priest asks him: “Have you ever been ashamed?” “Yes.” , - the child answers and begins to tell him when he was ashamed: when he didn’t listen to his mother, when he took something without permission... And then the priest tells him: “This is a sin, since your conscience tells you what you did something bad." Shame is the very first indicator of sinfulness for both adults and children.

But it’s not only “bad deeds” that darken a child’s life. Sometimes “bad thoughts” worry children more than bad deeds. Children are horrified that these thoughts enter their heads. They tell their loved ones: “Someone is forcing me to say bad words, but I don’t want to do it.” This is a very important point. Parents should definitely use it to start a conversation with their children. “You know, you need to talk about this in confession. It’s the evil one who wants to turn your will in his direction. If you don’t fight him (don’t pray, don’t cross yourself), he can defeat you,” adults should tell him. After all, if a child talks to his parents about bad thoughts, it means he has trust in them, which means he doesn’t withdraw into himself. Such a child must immediately be helped to understand that sin and he are two different things, that evil thoughts are not his thoughts and cannot be accepted as his own. “This is not mine, I am not afraid of these thoughts, I can defeat them,” this is how a child must be taught to think.

Many children talk to adults about bad thoughts. They are confused by dreams, thoughts during prayer... And if they try to tell their parents about this, then this is the most convenient time to put weapons in their hands for spiritual struggle: the sign of the cross, prayer, confession. And when a child begins to pray, he sees how evil thoughts go away through prayer. If thoughts do not go away, you can use effort, pray longer and still win. The very opportunity to overcome sin is very important for a child. To realize your victory means to realize the power over sin, to feel God’s help. When this happens, a person grows spiritually."

Children's confession. Orthodox parenting

(Reflections on the upbringing of the children of priest Ilya Shugaev, a father of many children)

Children usually go to confession from the age of seven. Sometimes the first confession of a church-going child is made before the age of seven after a serious offense, which the child himself recognizes as a sin. The parents explain to the child that it is impossible to receive communion with such a sin without confession, and the child himself makes the decision to confess. In this case, until the child is seven years old, he can continue to receive communion without confession, unless another serious sin is committed. From the age of seven, children must confess before each communion, just as adults do.

It is very important for parents to prepare their child for the first confession. A child cannot be forced to confess - repentance must be sincere and completely free. A child may submit to parental authority, but spiritual growth will not occur in him. Having matured, the child will refuse to confess at all. You can help your child think through his first confession by talking with him about what sins there may be, how we can offend God and people. To do this, you can list the main commandments of God, explaining each of them. You should not remind your child of his specific offenses, insisting that he does not forget to confess them. It is also necessary to explain to the child that pronouncing sins in confession is only the beginning of repentance and it is very important that he does not repeat them.

Typically, confession occurs before communion, so churchgoers go to confession approximately once every two to three weeks. You can confess without communion. Frequent confession, performed by a child without coercion, contributes to his moral maturation and responsibility for his actions. At the same time, parents should, by their example, accustom their child to frequent confession, resorting to this sacrament themselves.

Confession is made in front of the Cross and the Gospel, which remind us that confession is accepted by God, and not by the priest, who is only a witness to the confession. Therefore, you can confess either by turning to a priest or by simply listing your sins without turning directly to the priest.

I would like the child to learn the correct understanding of confession. The priest at the Cross and the Gospel is not a judge who will decide how bad an act you have done. Confession for a child should be a spiritual “medicine”. Just as in a doctor’s office there is a doctor who treats us, and a nurse who helps the doctor, so in confession we stand in confession before God - the Physician of our souls - and the priest, who, like a nurse, simply helps us confess. If confession is a judgment seat, then the greater the sin, the more difficult it is to go to confession. And if confession is a doctor’s clinic, then the greater the sin, the faster the child will go to confession.

Although the child must understand that he can confess to any priest, since it is not the priest who accepts our repentance, but God, it is nevertheless desirable that the child have a spiritual father, that is, a priest with whom he could consult and solve his spiritual problems. To get advice, you can and should choose a priest. Like doctors, there are different specialties - some are therapists, some are surgeons, some are dentists. And each specialist has a better understanding of his range of diseases. Also, confessors may differ in who sees which mental illnesses better and can help. It is easier for some priests to understand a child with his problems, for others a teenager in adolescence, etc. Therefore, it is better if the child chooses one of the priests himself and consults with him. This priest in this case will be the confessor, and the child will be his spiritual child. This does not mean that now you can no longer consult with anyone. Any priest, like any adult, has life experience and can give advice and you need to listen to it, and therefore you can consult with other people if you respect them. It's just easier to consult with someone in whom you already have trust, and who already knows you and your family a little.

Since children are often worried during confession, especially if they confess rarely, it is better to invite the child to write their sins on paper on which they can read the sins during confession.

After confession, parents should not violate the secret of confession and try to find out the sins of their children, or ask the children what the priest told them during confession.

When preparing for confession, you can use books such as “To Help the Penitent,” where possible sins are listed as a reminder. This is especially necessary when the child is confessing for the first time or has not confessed often. But it is better for children not to use the list of sins compiled for adults, so that what they read does not prematurely direct the child’s mind in a direction where the thought has not yet gone due to its childish purity. An unsuccessful question asked in confession or the name of a sin read may not only fail to protect a child from it, but, on the contrary, arouse his interest in this sin. Therefore, when talking with a child about possible sins, you need to be very careful and name only the most common sins. You can explain to a child those sins that he may not consider to be sins, for example, computer games with all kinds of “shooters”, sitting for a long time in front of the TV, etc... But you should not tell your child about serious sins, relying on God and His voice in the human soul - conscience.

For a child from 7 to 12–13 years old (before the onset of adolescence), you can use the following list of sins.

Sins towards elders. Didn't listen to parents or teachers. He argued with them. He was rude to his elders. Took something without permission. Walked without permission. He deceived his elders. He was capricious. Behaved badly in class. Didn't thank my parents.

Sins towards the younger ones. He offended the younger ones. He was rude to them. He abused animals. Didn't care about pets.

Sins towards friends and classmates. I was greedy. I was deceiving. Fought. Called me offensive words or nicknames. He often quarreled. He did not give in, he showed stubbornness. I was lying.

Responsibilities. Didn't clean the room. Didn't follow instructions given by parents. Didn't do or did careless homework.

Bad habits. Watched TV a lot. I played a lot on the computer.

Sins towards God. I forgot to pray morning and evening, before and after meals. He rarely confessed and received communion. I did not thank God for His blessings.

The listed sins are quite enough to give the child the right direction of thought; the rest will be prompted by the child’s conscience.

After the child enters adolescence, the list of possible sins can be slightly supplemented:

Swearing obscenities. I tried smoking. I tried alcoholic drinks. I looked at obscene pictures. There was free treatment of the opposite sex.

You can also limit yourself to this list, again hoping that the direction of thought has been set, and your conscience will not allow you to forget more serious sins.

Children's confession begins at the age of seven. It is from adolescence (seven years of age) that a child must receive communion, having first confessed. A little Christian (of course, if he wants) can begin the sacrament of confession earlier (for example, at the age of 6).

A very important event in the life of a family is the child’s first confession. Therefore, we need to find time and prepare the child at least a little for confession. Parents who regularly go to church should ask the priest for a special time for the first conversation with the child.

The work of preparing for confession, even if the child has not yet confessed, should be carried out by parents constantly; these are conversations about the child’s bad deeds, about conscience, about how the child should be able to ask for forgiveness in some cases. Parents should instill the skills of confession so that the child feels a moral connection between himself and the event. A child is an event, a child is some kind of sin - all this in the head of a 7-8 year old child should be quite obvious, just like the concept of conscience, the concept of sin.

A child must be properly prepared for his first confession. It is necessary to talk calmly and confidentially with the child, explain to him what sin is, why we ask God for forgiveness and what breaking the commandments is. It would not be out of place to say that when committing a sin, a person harms himself first of all: the bad things that we do to people will come back to us. The child may have a fear of confession. It must be dispelled by saying that the priest took an oath, a promise, never to tell anyone what he heard in confession, and there is no need to be afraid of him, because we confess to God Himself, and the priest only helps us with this. It is very important to say that, having named sins in confession, you need to make every effort not to repeat them again. It is very good when parents and children confess to the same confessor.

Some mothers and fathers make a big mistake by naming their child’s sins themselves or writing them on a piece of paper for him. Parents can only gently and delicately talk about sins, but not confess for them. And after confession, it is completely unacceptable to ask the priest about the content of a child’s confession.

There is another serious mistake - parents read a piece of paper where the child writes his sins or stand and listen to what the child confesses to the priest. This cannot be done.

Of course, here it is worth warning parents not to frighten their child with God. Often such a mistake occurs from parental helplessness, from unwillingness to work. Therefore, frightening a child: “God will punish you, you will receive from God for this” is not a method. Under no circumstances should you be afraid of God. I read in Jean Paul Sartre that he was afraid of God as a child. He kept thinking that no matter what he did, he was always under the gaze of an unkind God.

But the question is that God’s view is conscience, which constantly tells you that God is telling you, God is guiding you, God loves you, God is leading you, God wants your change, your repentance. It is worth explaining to the child that God uses everything that happens to a person not to punish a person, but to save a person, to bring a person into the Light, so that from that moment a person can change for the better.

All these important things should be laid down at least a little by parents from childhood, and then, if the priest is attentive, he will find an opportunity to talk with the child and draw his special attention to some simple things. There is no point in demanding that a child begin serious spiritual work within himself. It is enough that the child will be sincere in confession and will honestly recall his own misdeeds, without hiding or hiding behind them. And the priest must warmly and lovingly receive the child and tell him how to pray, who to ask for forgiveness from, what to pay attention to. This is the way a child grows and learns to accept these things.

A child’s confession should not be as detailed as that of an adult, although the detail of an adult’s confession is also a big, big question, because such exhaustive detail often conceals some kind of distrust of God. Otherwise God doesn’t know, otherwise God doesn’t see!

The desire, instead of a sincere confession, to submit a list with sins written down in detail according to the scheme is reminiscent of submitting a completed receipt to the laundry - you handed over dirty linen, received clean linen. Under no circumstances should this happen to a child! He should not have pieces of paper, even if he writes them with his own hand, and certainly not in any case with his parent’s hand. It is enough that a child says one or two events from his life in order to come to God with them.

O. Pavel Gumerov